Father's Day

I know what I am going to get Eddie for Father's day. It's the Bottom Buddy !! An award-winning, ergonomically designed bathroom aid that's hygienic and easy to use. 11" long with a curved handle, it has a soft, flexible head with three tulip-petal sections that securely grip any tissue or pre-moistened wipe. Once inserted, tissue covers the rounded head, and can be released using a push button on the handle. Includes a carry pouch for travel and storage. Click here for an alternate image.

Kids update....

This is my boy. He is finishing up the third grade and getting ready for fourth grade. He is a Cubscout and recently baptized a member of our Church. He is as tall as my shoulder and loves the fast rides at Disneyland. He plays PS2, GBA and newly added Nintendo DS. He is very smart and "tricks" me by asking me questions he already knows the answers to. Other times he is incessantly asking me questions about things to learn more about them. It could be a TV show, an animal, a mythical creature, whatever, he has to know more. I just wish he would use that fine brain of his and look it up himself!

Princess. My baby girl. Still does her own stunts. Endlessly entertaing me and our family with her wit. She loves going to Disneyland as much as her brother. She wants to be a rockstar when she grows up. If she wasn't so self-defeating, I think she would be great. I don't know what killed the confidence she used to shine. I have been trying to school her in self-worth; learning from my own mistakes, I suppose. She is looking forward to the first grade (ME TOO!)

As for me, I finally just quit my job. The honcho's weren't going to make it easy for me to keep my job so I threw in the towel and became the stay-at-home-mom that I always wanted to be.

Emma strikes again!

Last week, Emma was talking to her friend and said, "I used to drink beer, but now I quit."

Mr Roarke!

Funny thing happened at my kids' school today.....

I was volunteering at my daughter's kindergarten class and we hear a jet flying overhead; like an F-14 or some other fighter.

I am thinking, "Wow, good thing we aren't in WWII or I would be worried (forgetting all about of the WAR ON TERRORISM)."

Then a little Asian boy stands up and points at the ceiling (sky) and exclaims, "Plane! Plane! Plane!" I turn to the kinder-teacher and dead-panned, "Fantasy Island"
The teacher almost fell on the floor. She had to hide behind her desk so the kids wouldn't see her laughing her head off.

"No, you didn't!" she whisper-hissed at me.

I shrugged innocently.

Happy Mother's Day to me.

I was sitting in church this morning and I realized that I DO love my husband. Okay, yes, he can be an idiot and he can be an asshole, but he has had to put up with my shit, too. If I was a dude, I seriously wouldn't want to marry me, let alone reproduce! He has given me two beautiful children and the luxury of finally being a stay-at-home-mom.

I was given this guy for a reason, so I better figure out what that is and learn to cope with his outbursts.

Blog Filler

1. What are your initials?
*SLoB.

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
*Capris and tanktops and Crocs.

3. Last thing you ate?
*Pepperoni pizza

Where'd four go?

5. I say Shotgun, you say...
*Good, that means I drive, fucker.

6. Last person you hugged?
*Jarod.

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
*Date? Um, no.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve?
*Stupid people.

9. Name something you like physically about yourself.
*Belly belly, NOT! LOL My naturally curly red hair

10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
*Outlaw Larry’s. Very disappointing.

11. Who is your best friend?
*Arlene, Kathi and Mom. (no particular order)

12.Why are you still up?
*I like staying up late.

13. Who/What made you angry today?
*EVERYONEANDEVERYTHING.

14. Do you like to drink?
*Sure. Especially if I have to be in the company of my in-laws.

15. Do you smoke?
*CHOKE*SPUTTER*COUGH*DIE* Who me?

16. Favorite type of Food?
*See-food.

17. Favorite holidays:
*”This is Halloween……... “

18. Do you download music?
*Sure. It’s cheep.

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
*YES.

20. Do you like to sing?
*Not well, but I do.

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
*If I were a single lesbian, sure. She's pretty freakin' cool.

22. Are you dating anyone?
*Yeah, but don’t tell my husband.

23. Do you love anyone?
*Nah, y'all suck.

24. Do you like Bush?
*Don't ask, don't tell.

25. Have you ever bungie jumped?
*Nope

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
*Nope

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
*I’m fat, I don’t get hit on. Second looks (of disgust), but no hitting on me.

28. Have you ever punched someone?
*If I could turn back time....

29. Have you met a real redneck?
*Yes. Frightening and fascinating

30. How is the weather right now?
*WARM.

31. What are you listening to right now?
*Traffic on Schleisman, the hard drive burping and growling

32. What is your current favorite song?
*Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz

33. What was the last movie you watched?
*The Prestige

34. Do you wear contacts?
*YES.

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
*Friend next door.

36. Whose car did you last ride in last, with whom, and why?
*Mine. Pick up the chitlins from school.

37. How many piercings have you had?
*nine. In my ears.

38. How many pets do you have?
*None. Except maybe the fish I have been trying to kill for the last year.

39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
*BLOG EVERYTHING. Take notes. Take pictures. Get a witness.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
*Iced Venti Americano with Cream and Two Splenda

41. Who is your favorite superhero//villan?
*Hero - Batgirl. She is hot and has red hair. Villain - Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Has my physique

42. Have you ever fired a gun?
*YES. Why, do you need me to shoot someone?

43. Did you ever collect Pokemon?
*Eww, no!

44. Favorite TV show?
*House.

45. Do you have an iPod?
*No, but I have a cool cell phone that plays MP3s!

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
*I have been told I look like Glenn Close. I was rather insulted as she has a fivehead.

47. What did you do last night?
*Uh. Same as every other night? Knocked off a Wal-Mart and made crystal meth in the basement.

48. Who would you like to see right now?
*A Financial Advisor - to tell me how to invest my millions.

49. Favorite movie?
*JAWS

50. Do you find yourself loved?
*No, but I found my ATM card. It went missing.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to? *Guilty as charged. You didn't ask WHAT.

52. Favorite flower?
*Pansies and Johnny-Jump-Ups. If those aren’t available..ROSES

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
*REAL butter and salted.

54. What Magazines are you reading?
*None. I have no subscriptions. I'll peruse or steal ANY freebie mags though, if they're out.

55. Who do you idolize?
*Assertive people who don’t give a fuck.

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
*Yes.

58. What's something that really bugs you?
*Stupid people (see a trend here?)

59. Do you like Michael Jackson?
*I don’t like child molesters.

60.Do you have any phobias?
*Oh yes.

61. What's your favorite smell?
*Farts.

62. Favorite baseball team?
*Eh. I don't watch.

63. Favorite cereal?
*Froot Loops.

64. How are you right now?
*Hating my sinuses. And you?

65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
*36+ hours.

66. Last time you went bowling?
*February.

67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
*In my car behind FPK.

68. Who was your last phone call?
*Playing phone tag with my sister.

69. Will your friends repost this?
*Nope.

70. What's the closest orange object to you?
*Harley Davidson truck.

Being held at mouth-point

Ever have a friend, associate, aquaintence, relative, etc that will not SHUT UP? You see their number on the Caller ID and ignore the phone because you do not have an hour to spare listening to their yammering? Or you see them coming your way and try not to show that you are cringing on the inside because you know you are going to be held hostage for an hour or more by their one-sided conversation?

I was visiting my sister-in-law; and my brother had a friend and the friend's wife and their two kids over. Brother and his friend took off for a test drive in project vehicle, leaving me, Mom and sis alone with the friend's wife and kids. The wife would not shut up. And all she talked about was people I didn't know, nor care to know. Poor thing was not my cup of tea--more like a laxative!

And I would not dare leave my sister alone with her until my brother came back from his extended test-drive. I felt so sorry for my sister being trapped with someone that is so annoying.

Christianity in a Nutshell

Want to go to heaven?
Do what you have to do. Pray, read scriptures, go to church, get baptized, pay tithing, compassionate service, etc.

Don't care if you are going to heaven?
Keep fucking off