Demons, if you will

Ever lie in bed, waiting for the elusive dream of slumber to overtake you but have your demons attack instead? You know what I am talking about. Your private fears, your mistakes, your "what if's" all come out of the narrows of your mind and haunt you. Instead of blissful slumber, you lie there with your eyes and hands clenched tight, sometimes tears leaking onto your pillow. Soon, you can't even keep your eyes closed anymore. You stare at the ceiling, the red illuminated numbers next to your head, your spouse's back.

Meanwhile, all of the blessings you have are forgotten. The roof over your head, the two snoring angels in their beds, your snoring spouse, the material things you don't need and the necessary things you do need....poof. Doesn't matter. All that matters right now is how awful you feel and how you let the demons torture you.

"As one door closes, another opens"

....or so the saying goes

I tried to reconnect with my sisters-in-law in the South Bay. However, they did not want to have anything to do with it. At first I was destroyed and then realized, "how can I regain something I never really had?" So, my mentality towards them is now....."F... them!"

Soon after that fiasco, I was able to track down a friend that I met around the sixth grade(? Give or take a year). I found her on a website for a City's Chamber of Commerce. I took a risk, called her and she was very pleased and excited to hear from me. Now that is more like it! We have made plans for Memorial Day weekend.

In this case it is "out with the new and in with the old". Like I mentioned, I knew my girl friend from childhood and I've known my husband's brother's wives (I now refuse to acknowledge them as "sisters") for nine and four years, respectively.

I do have one sister(-in-law) that is worth keeping. My brother's wife is geniune gold and the best thing to happen to our family. She has a lot more to offer than those other women, that's for sure.

Funky cold medina

This is Jarod. He is seven and a half years old and 52" tall. He wears a size 10 jean and a 5 shoe. Dad 6'2" and I think Jarod is going to pass him up. Jarod is in the second grade and is very good at math. His teachers are phenomenal this year and we will miss them very much when he goes into third grade in July.

Jarod is addicted to video games. Mainly games based on TV cartoons or animated movies. He enjoys playing PS2 and GameBoy Advanced.

Emma. AKA Emmalynn Paigeann (said with southern drawl), Princess, Nemma, Nemma-noos, Emmers, Paige.

She is five going on 12. She loves Disney Princesses, Cinderella being her favorite. Sleeping Beauty's Castle at Disneyland belongs to Emma. Just ask her.

Emma's favorite colors are "pink, purple, red and green." Interesting combo. She will start Kindergarten in July. I wish the teachers the best of luck! LOL

These two are the bright spots in my dark world (ooh, too melodramatic?). I am 36, married and currently relieved-of-duty from my job as a police dispatcher. I am in a funk because I like to take control of my life (as much as I think I can). Being under investigation and not knowing WHEN the outcome is has thrown me into a tailspin. I had my personal schedule planned out until Emma's next birthday and now I don't know what is going to happen next week.

I don't care that I am going to be fired. But going from job interview to job interview and being rejected every time has bruised my fragile ego. Not only am I going to be fired, I don't have a back up plan.

Maybe this would be a good time to get pregnant and have another baby. JUST KIDDING!