Black Friday

I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of being the unsure, no good, rotten, four-flushing, lowlife, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, boobless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, obsessed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spiny-necked, worm-headed sack of monkey shit.

I am 14 again. I am that shy girl who sits in the corner and watches everybody having fun.

Last night for instance...."THE GIRLS"...... The pretty, BOOBY, trim, polished, girls in their own little world. I wanted to be in that crowd. But they circled the wagons and left no room for strangers.

So, I hung out with another classmate. We sat and observed. Then another classmate graced me with his presence and things got better.

But I am still that 14 year old, longing to fit in, to be accepted and be noticed. I feel like I am a party crasher in an exclusive club.

And what gets me..... These girls are begging me to come out and play, claiming I am "SO MUCH FUN!" Nah, THEY are having fun and just happen to remember that I was in the background.

I was really excited about going out last night and was sorely disappointed again. They already have this rapport and I'm trying to catch up. I'm the retard who won the Special Olympics and was invited to the OLYMPICS. Maybe I should just stay where I belong, in the Special Olympics and ignore THEM. I apparently don't have anything to offer, so I will just be content with what I have and not expect any thing else.