Tonight my little girl comes to me whilst I am in the shower and announces that So-and-So is at the door. I told her to tell them to come back in 20 minutes, then recinded. I told her to tell them to come back on Wednesday.
After I got out of the shower, I told her NEVER, ever answer the door when neither my husband nor I were not available. Hubby didn't even hear the door! She could have been snatched from our front step within a blink and we would have never known. Of course, I am exaggerating, but I needed to scare her enough to know NEVER answer the door if we (adults) are not available.
There is no law that requires ANYBODY to answer the door whenever someone knocks or rings. Or the stupid phone for that matter.
23 June 2008
20 June 2008
I stole this
Yet another piece I have ganked of the Internet (someone else's blog to be exact). It is one of those mind numbing surveys/questionnaires that get emailed in your circle of friends. Instead of forwarding this via email, I thought I would fill my blog with this crap!
Beer: Making ugly guys handsome since invention
Sex: enter porn song here
McDonald: Had a farm, E-I-E-I-OHHHHHH!
Relationship: Much better now that we found my vagina
Purple: Rain
Power Rangers: Yawn
Steroids: 'Roids. Husband used to make a living testing roids. Now he just tests alcohol.
Cartoons: Saturday Mornings!! Bugs Bunny/Road Runner show!
The President: Hail to the Chief/He's the Chief and he needs hailing!
Tupperware: used to be addicted
Santa Claus: Fatty
Halloween: blessed Samhain!
Alice: in wonderland. My SIL fave Disney character (I think!)
Myspace: Waste of time
Clowns: FOC
Marriage: a blessing and a curse
Paris: stupid and a waste of oxygen. Oh, you mean the City of Lights?!? I have been to the hotel in Las Vegas!
Patty: Krabby patty secret recipe
Redheads: are more fun...just ask me!!
Blondes: see Paris (JUST KIDDING!! Some of my best friends are blond. uh, not really)
One night stands: Who told?
Donald Trump: Cheating, lying ASSHOLE. Actually owes my uncle money. F**ker
Neverland: Nevermind. Should be razed and turned into a parking lot or a homeless shelter or a child abuse crisis clinic or something
Pixie: DD
Word: is the word that you heard its got groove its got meaning
Vanilla ice cream: Gelato is way better
Hooters: overrated
High School Musical: Ditto...OVERRATED
Pajamas: none. nude. lol
Woody: uh, ahem, is that a pickle in your pocket?
Wet Socks: blech
Reality: wake up and smell it, BABY!
Honey: I'm hot sticky sweet, from my head and to my feet, YEAH!
Andy: Taylor and Opie
Money: get away
Butter: my muffin
Secret: irritates my armpits. I use Dove antiperspirant
Beer: Making ugly guys handsome since invention
Sex: enter porn song here
McDonald: Had a farm, E-I-E-I-OHHHHHH!
Relationship: Much better now that we found my vagina
Purple: Rain
Power Rangers: Yawn
Steroids: 'Roids. Husband used to make a living testing roids. Now he just tests alcohol.
Cartoons: Saturday Mornings!! Bugs Bunny/Road Runner show!
The President: Hail to the Chief/He's the Chief and he needs hailing!
Tupperware: used to be addicted
Santa Claus: Fatty
Halloween: blessed Samhain!
Alice: in wonderland. My SIL fave Disney character (I think!)
Myspace: Waste of time
Clowns: FOC
Marriage: a blessing and a curse
Paris: stupid and a waste of oxygen. Oh, you mean the City of Lights?!? I have been to the hotel in Las Vegas!
Patty: Krabby patty secret recipe
Redheads: are more fun...just ask me!!
Blondes: see Paris (JUST KIDDING!! Some of my best friends are blond. uh, not really)
One night stands: Who told?
Donald Trump: Cheating, lying ASSHOLE. Actually owes my uncle money. F**ker
Neverland: Nevermind. Should be razed and turned into a parking lot or a homeless shelter or a child abuse crisis clinic or something
Pixie: DD
Word: is the word that you heard its got groove its got meaning
Vanilla ice cream: Gelato is way better
Hooters: overrated
High School Musical: Ditto...OVERRATED
Pajamas: none. nude. lol
Woody: uh, ahem, is that a pickle in your pocket?
Wet Socks: blech
Reality: wake up and smell it, BABY!
Honey: I'm hot sticky sweet, from my head and to my feet, YEAH!
Andy: Taylor and Opie
Money: get away
Butter: my muffin
Secret: irritates my armpits. I use Dove antiperspirant
In the summertime when the weather is high....
.....You can stretch right up and touch the sky
Only 104 degrees today. I feel like I can say, "I am sweating my balls off."
Only 104 degrees today. I feel like I can say, "I am sweating my balls off."
19 June 2008
THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
Note: I did not pen this! It was sent to me via e-mail. If you have any "hardships" from childhood that you would like to share, please comment!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were…when they were growing up; what with walking 25 miles to school every morning ... Uphill BOTH ways ….. Yadda, yadda, yadda …..
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of 30 (pushing 40), I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
When I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to take the bus, walk, ride our bike or ask our mom goto the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! Then we had to look for the book on the shelf!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen and paper! Address envelopes! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! No CD’s! Cassette tapes and vinyl record albums!! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ usually talked over the beginning and messed it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! An annoying “EEH EHH EEH EEH EHH”
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation Video Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen. Forever! And you could never win. There were no cheat codes. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on-screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off Your BUTT and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled Little Brats!
We didn't have microwave popcorn. We had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. No Lunchables, we had to make a sandwich.
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were…when they were growing up; what with walking 25 miles to school every morning ... Uphill BOTH ways ….. Yadda, yadda, yadda …..
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of 30 (pushing 40), I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
When I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to take the bus, walk, ride our bike or ask our mom goto the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! Then we had to look for the book on the shelf!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen and paper! Address envelopes! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! No CD’s! Cassette tapes and vinyl record albums!! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ usually talked over the beginning and messed it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! An annoying “EEH EHH EEH EEH EHH”
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation Video Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen. Forever! And you could never win. There were no cheat codes. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on-screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off Your BUTT and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled Little Brats!
We didn't have microwave popcorn. We had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. No Lunchables, we had to make a sandwich.
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
09 June 2008
I suck...
....and I don't mean in a Vampiric way. I have completely ignored this blog for five months. I really need to jot down spectacular events and post them to my forehead so I may share them here.
The only memorable thing of late: I went to my Private Mail Box to collect packages and our mail. Jarod wanted to open one of the bubble envelopes, knowing it is a purchase from eBay. He tears off one end of the envelope and dumps the contents out. It is a snack zip-close baggie with a paper towel sealed inside. Jarod exclaims, "You bought a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on eBay!?"
The only memorable thing of late: I went to my Private Mail Box to collect packages and our mail. Jarod wanted to open one of the bubble envelopes, knowing it is a purchase from eBay. He tears off one end of the envelope and dumps the contents out. It is a snack zip-close baggie with a paper towel sealed inside. Jarod exclaims, "You bought a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on eBay!?"
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